i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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