Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize