I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
