i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
