reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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