so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
