Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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