i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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