CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
