I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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