you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
