and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
