I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Houston, we have a blender
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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