i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
