he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
