i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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