Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think my cat just said my name.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
