This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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