if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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