you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
