i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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