you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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