In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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