I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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