I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
