Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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