this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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