he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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