I want to have your abortion
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
