there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
