i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
