your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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