we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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