I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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