What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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