You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
