Sober January is a disaster.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
