I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
