I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
