If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
