I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
