did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
