i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
