I cut my penus on the lid.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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