On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're like the curious george of whores
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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