I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize