Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
