The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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