That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
