you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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