We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
