your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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