yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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