It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i've created a new STD.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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