I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
