I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
