You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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