every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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