how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She even gives head with a lisp.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
