At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
