so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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